So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
