i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
