cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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