Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
