You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
