In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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