Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
