you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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