So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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