i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
