Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just invented taco cereal.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
