how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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