using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
