I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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