My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
