My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
