I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I will pee on everything he values.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
