The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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