dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize