some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
