You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
