I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
