Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize