I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We left the knife in your bed.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
