This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
