so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
