you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
