get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dignity is for republicans.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
