they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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