how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
