We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
