I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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