When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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