My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
