I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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