I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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