Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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