Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
