Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
