sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
