so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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