i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
