A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
