You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
