have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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