Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
