Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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