your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
