the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
