Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
