His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
