So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's blow job season.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
