I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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