my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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