How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
