I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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