i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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