U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
