I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
be right there i have to get my cape
Randomize
