Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize