Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
