I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
