I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i love accidental penises.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize