and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
