I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
