careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
