My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
