I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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