we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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