Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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