dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
