Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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