i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
