I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
my poor anus
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
