I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
