My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
