I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
